Here at the Miami County Bugle Caller, we have a habit of just cranking out content to keep the lights on. And since we’ve laid off a majority of our employees, we no longer have many lights to worry about. Times are tough, so we decided to make up an article about the other articles we kind of just made up to stay current. Here are a few we’d like to clarify:
Any Miami County resident who has participated in youth baseball knows the risk of constant flooding at the Knoop Baseball Complex. Entire seasons have been canceled due to the poorly designed complex, which is directly next to the Miami River and susceptible to flooding. We did not lie that this complex could technically be classified as a lake, since by definition, a lake is “an area filled with water, surrounded by land, apart from any river or other outlet.” We only lied about the name change and development of lakefront property, including a “Tilted Kilt,” which we all can agree would be a sick addition to Miami County.
In 2019, we reported that a community with over 40 humans, 5 vicious dogs, and 2 cow-sized cockroaches was discovered underground in Piqua. We called this “The Underworld,” and claimed that people have been living down there for over 55 years. Somehow, this made the rounds on Facebook and fooled a lot of locals. Even the article comments illustrate the confusion this caused. This was actually just our take at trying to explain the odd smells that have tormented Piqua over the recent years. Sadly, nobody is living in the Piqua Sewer System, at least that we know of.
Sometimes, our team gets ideas that are so clever that we just have to put them out there. We all know it is impossible for a phone to serve as mayor, but in Phoneton, it’s in the name and that just makes sense. If you believed this article, we apologize. We just felt it’s time to clear this one up, because readers have asked for years if Phoneton is a real place (yes, it is) and where to see the mayor for themselves (no, you can’t).
We’ve had high hopes for Union Township since MCBC’s public launch in 2019, and have been actively trying to draw interest to the area. We only have good intentions and would love to see this township boom with new, exciting tech startups. Unfortunately, none of our claims here have been true. This also means that failed startups Pixlhed and SpriteGoose never actually existed. However, this does not mean that the dream is over. We fully expect scent-recognition technology to play a major role in personal security within the next 50 years or so – just remember you heard it here first.
In March of 2020, we wrote that a man named Tim Schreder overdosed on sodium after devouring bottomless complimentary chips. Today, we acknowledge that this story was not based on a true event, though we fully believe something similar to this has probably happened before. If you’ve had La Fiesta chips before, you know how addicting they can be. So, this article is completely within the realm of possibility, and you’ll have to forgive us.
Those are just 5 of the handful of articles that we’ve sort of just put out there for the hell of it. There might be a few more, but we’ve put out hundreds of these things and nobody is really holding us accountable. If there’s an article you’d like us to clarify, please share it in the comments and we promise to consider replying to you.