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Russia, OH is Changing its Pronunciation

RUSSIA – Finally, Russia, OH is changing its pronunciation.

In a secret joint session on May 4th, the Loramie Township Development Delegation and the Shelby County Council for Progress voted 13-1 down party lines to change the official pronunciation of the village of Russia (ROO-shee). Beginning on Tuesday, July 5th, the village name will be pronounced Russia (raw-SEE-uh).

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In a press conference Thursday morning, LTDD Commissioner Dylan Jonesman said, “We must break free of the shackles of our past, the vestiges of a time long since forgotten. They say any press is good press, but Russia (Rew-ZHA) has struggled to grow and develop whilst living in the shadows of our unique name and pronunciation. How am I supposed to build multiple hundred-unit mixed-use apartment buildings if everyone just dunks on how goofy the name is? It’s bad for business.”

In a report leaked to us exclusively by our Russia (ruh-seh) insider, the name change is expected to cost nearly $350,000, mostly in the form of altering and replacing various signs throughout the village, used to educate the public on how to actually say the village’s name correctly.

“I just think this is totally absurd. Why do the global elite feel the need to challenge and change everything? This is not an issue that needs fixing. I do not plan on abiding by the pronunciation change, and I suggest my fellow neighbors do the same,” said Lifelong Russia (ROW-zee) resident Tina Wildermuth, 54.

Furthermore, reports have been circulating that fellow Ohio village Versailles has been eyeing a potential pronunciation change, and have been watching the fallout from this bombshell decision closely. One of our interns have reached out to village officials for comment. As of publishing time, we have yet to receive any response.

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Phyllis Dean Daniels

Lifestyles Column Writer & Editor. Daughter, Mother, Grandmother, Sister. Ohio University Alumni 1989. Scripps School of Journalism. Philippians 4:11–13

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