Everyone knows Miami County sports are particularly fascinating, but sadly, news outlets such as the Miami Valley Today fail to report on the action. They are either not paying attention, or afraid to share the gritty details that make local sports so entertaining. So, we’ve compiled a list of Miami County sports storylines that you won’t want to miss out on this season.
Tee-Ball Team Requalified After Doping Scandal Suspension
In 2020, a team sponsored by Schafty’s Brewhouse was disqualified from the Knoop Lake Baseball League after 14 youth athletes tested positive for steroids. Violating the league’s anti-doping protocol is usually a 2-year suspension, but the punishment was reduced to one full season due to the innocent nature of the children involved. So far, the team has a 17-0 record, leading other teams to believe the team is still pretty juiced up. Their coach was also released from prison last month and plans to coach the team to another title this postseason.
2022 County Jail Basketball Tournament
Miami County sports are entering peak season with May Madness rapidly approaching, and Miami County’s most athletic criminals are lacing up for the big tournament. The Dealers are looking to retain their 2021 title, but Vegas lists the Domestic Abusers as the favorites to bring home the trophy to their jail cells. As always, the tournament will be streamed on local access, with a Channel 74 van peering over “The Cage” for a prime view of the action. The tournament tips off on Cinco de Mayo when the Rapists take on Manslaughterers for a half-court showdown.
Brawl at Hobart Arena
On Thursday, a riot broke out at Hobart Arena during their “An Evening with Tim Tebow” event. Tebow was reported to have started the event by throwing footballs across the arena. However, Tebow was only pretending to throw the footballs, while the balls were actually being launched by a modified t-shirt gun, according to eyewitnesses at the scene. While the gun made for an impressive launch, it also led to 5 blunt force trauma incidents reported at Kettering Health Troy. The crowd, half of whom were completely unaware that a stunt was going to take place, then began to panic and stampede out of the room, leading to 15 additional hospitalizations. Representatives for Tebow and Hobart Arena have not responded to our requests for comment.
Miami County Men’s Softball League
This season is full of ridiculous storylines, with each team tied at exactly 5 wins and 5 losses heading into the final stretch. More interestingly, there is turmoil on the Miami Brewers roster, with heavy hitter Chuck Shuldeman completely pissed off at pitcher Mark Milton for not venmoing him for a round of beers last week. A fight broke out at Submarine House, leading to Milton shattering his hand after completely whiffing a shot to Shuldeman’s face. Milton is listed as day to day heading into a key matchup against the Piqua Baby Bears.
Local Golf Legend Keith Fox Recognized at City Council Meeting
In a recent Piqua City Council meeting, the board recognized local golf pro Keith Fox for his service to the community. We’re not entirely sure why this matters at all, but it made the news in the same article citing Thomas Fogt’s resignation – which has since been removed by the infamous Miami Valley Today. Keep an eye out, as we believe this random recognition was done to plant the seed to make Keith Fox the new mayor. The appointment would be a huge clout play for Miami County sports as a whole.
Casstown Cockfighting League Postponed
This year’s Cockfighting League has been postponed indefinitely, because Casstown is still stuck in 2020. This makes it virtually impossible for a league to start up until this strange phenomena ends. The people of Casstown have not been contacted by the outside world for weeks, but if anyone could steal some gamecocks from the town, we may be able to rebrand the event in another local community. Please call 1-800-COCKFIGHT with tips on the situation to help bring Miami County sports back to their former glory.
Our sports desk is continuing to report as these storylines unfold, so be sure to follow the Miami County Bugle Caller on Instagram to get the most recent updates on all things Miami County sports.