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Edison Community College to Offer “Weights and Measures” Certification

PIQUA – A study from the Miami Employment and Local Opportunity Areas Foundation (MEATLOAF) found that Miami County faces a potential shortage of drug dealers within the next 5 years. Edison State Community College recognizes these entrepreneurs as the backbone of the local economy, and offers several programs to turn out some of the top plugs in the area. One such program is Edison’s new “Weights and Measures” Certification.

This 3 month program equips aspiring pushers with the knowledge and skills they need to put together a perfectly weighted dime bag. Through a blend of online coursework and in-person “lab” sessions, students will learn hands-on exactly what an eighth feels like. Students will also be tested on visual inspection, the basics of economies-of-scale, and how to linger around a stranger’s apartment for just slightly too long.

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Local junkie Tyler Hoobenstein is looking forward to the future of the Miami County drug market with this new certification. In his past three drug deals, Hoobenstein claimed to have weighed his haul when returning home, only to find all three bags were at least a gram off.

“Sure, you know, a tenth of a gram here or there is fine, but every connect in town seems to be completely braindead. A whole gram short is just not acceptable,” Hoobenstein said.

The drug trade makes up a significant portion of economic activity in Miami County. In Piqua alone, recreational drugs account for 40% of household discretionary income.

​​The Edison State “Weights and Measures” Certification is eligible for funding from the Ohio Department of Higher Education. The Dope Dealer Certificate Grant awards up to $2,000 per student who completely the program. The program is also eligible for TrapCash, a federal program aimed at getting more professional drug dealers back into the streets.

As the course is a hybrid model, classes can start at any time. For more information on the training opportunities available at Edison State, visit www.edisonohio.edu/drugsandviolence or contact Blake and he can hook you up.

Be sure to follow The Miami County Bugle Caller on Instagram to stay up to date on the latest local educational opportunities.

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Davis Wong

Founder, CEO, Editor-in-Chief, Miami County Bugle Caller. Lifelong Miami County resident, Casstown native, MEHS '02.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Jody

    That’s pretty funny

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