TROY, OH – The Miami County Bugle Caller’s reporting of a new Cheesecake Factory in Troy led traveling tattoo collector Tylor Schmitz to extreme disappointment.
Schmitz is a proud owner of 14 Cheesecake Factory tattoos, labeled by store number. His left bicep was kept bare for location #221 in Troy, but now he’s going to have to look elsewhere.
“To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I am filled with rage and ready to fucking explode,” said Schmitz. “I can’t believe people actually support you clowns at the Miami County Bugle Caller. I’ll make it known that you’re all assholes.”
The MCBC team tried to calm Tylor down with a hot bottle of milk, which was immediately slapped out of our field reporter’s hand, leading to an all-out brawl.
After 3 minutes of unarmed combat in Troy’s Public Square, MCBC reporter Tyson Montgomery suplexed Tylor in dominating fashion. Bystanders cheered on the MCBC team as they took turns teabagging Schmitz as he writhed around on the ground.
Police immediately arrived on the scene and arrested Schmitz, Montgomery, and two additional MCBC staff members for disorderly content. The MCBC team remains in the Miami County Jail, and we’re keeping them there to get inside reporting on the County Jail Basketball Tournament.
With this development, we are now looking to hire a part-time Field Reporter and a production crew. Think you’d be a good fit on our team? Apply here!
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