TROY – As reported by the Miami County Bugle Caller last February, rumors have surfaced that the city of Troy may open up a Designated Outdoor Refreshment Area (DORA). The ruling would allow locals to get completely blitzed in more public spaces than usual. As a reminder, here’s everything you need to know about the DORA:
- All who enter the DORA must shotgun a beer upon arrival. Anyone who fails to shotgun a beer within 5 seconds will be forced to spend 15 minutes in the Time Out Area (TOA) and then try again.
- All beverages must be consumed in less than 10 minutes, so businesses sell more booze. #SupportSmallBusiness
- Moeller Brew Barn will be selling their signature “Piss Pilsner” for 1 dollar per pitcher, sponsoring as the Official Troy Open Carry Beer of 2021. Click here to read more about Piss Pilsner in our local beer rankings article.
- Cops must “look the other way” when they see someone enter their vehicle while completely wasted. Cops will also be allowed to open carry in their police cruisers.
- Troy City Hall will be located within the DORA, and government officials are allowed to continue getting blitzed in the workplace.
- Urinals and piss troughs will be installed in every alleyway downtown. Every single one. So piss away, and then get back in there and buy more Piss Pilsner! #BuyLocal
- The old furniture store across from Leaf and Vine is now being converted into a designated Sleep It Off Area (SIOA). This way you can get slizzurd on a Friday, crash on one of the couches, and then do it all over again Saturday!
- If you get too rowdy within the DORA, they recommend cooling it off in the SIOA, as you don’t want to end up in the TOA. If you get belligerent in the TOA, you go next door to the JAIL.
Whispers around town suggest that this beverage carrying law is no longer a loophole around mask mandates, but just a solution for people to get absolutely shitfaced in as many public places as possible. Because, why not? Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller to receive more news before it’s actually news.