TROY – A deranged man named Robert Wheatbred has been seen marching around Troy’s square, insisting that “it’s not a square, it’s actually a circle.” 

For days, Robert marched alone. Now he has a small group of followers spreading the message alongside him.

“I have always been told to fight for what’s right, and to fight for the truth. I cannot live another day without spreading this extremely important message,” said Wheatbred, who then screamed “CIRCLES ARE REAL” at a pedestrian who passed the scene. 

Wheatbred and his protesters have been seen holding signs that say things like “DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR, THIS IS A CIRCLE” and “SQUARES ARE FALSE.” We interviewed a few bystanders to get their take on the situation.

“I don’t really understand why they are protesting about shapes,” said Marlene Matthews-Wilson-Webb, who clearly did not correlate the protesters’ signage with Troy’s square. 

Wheatbred and his followers are still committed to their message, insisting that the downtown area should be named after the shape of its traffic circle.

Troy city planner Thomas Thompson does not feel threatened, noting that countless cities have “squares” and that this is “nothing out of the ordinary.”

This is a developing story. Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller for more updates on the Square vs. Circle controversy.