Piqua, OH – Over 2 years ago, the Miami County Bugle Caller reported that the city of Piqua had “been smelling very strange lately.” Just 6 months later, the scent was linked to “the underground sewer community.” The Piqua Sanitation Department then conducted a deep clean of the sewers, scaring away underdwellers with threats of power washing their skin off. Despite these efforts, Piqua still smells very strange and locals are confused.
“I thought them people from the underworld would have brought the stank with ‘em,” said Earl Robert Wilson-Watson of Piqua. “Either the smell has traveled upwind since they migrated to Moraine, or they wasn’t causing the stench after all.”
Though Piqua still smells very strange, it hasn’t kept us from sending unpaid interns to sniff things out around town. One scout noted a corpse-like scent drifting from the remains of dead businesses in the Piqua mall area. Another intern noticed that the door to the Rally’s restroom was left open. There’s also the infamous “hoarder house,” but we don’t give health insurance to interns and didn’t bother to send them there. Unfortunately, we were ultimately unable to nail down one true source as the whole city just generally smells very strange.
City planners recently proposed a complex plan to bring a Febreze factory into Piqua’s city limits. The motion was quickly shot down as all budgets had already been allocated to Piqua’s campaign to bring “quality citizens” to town. Some argue that a scent solution would do wonders for life in Piqua. Others believe it’s a lost cause at this point.
“Look, I don’t mind the smell no more. This is life in Piqua. And I am proud of my stinky little town,” said 55-year resident Marge McCafferey.
Most locals are used to the small, but the Miami County Center of Disease Control (MCCDC) recommends that all new visitors wear nostril plugs or face masks when entering town.
“It’s not about safety. It’s about smell,” said Antoine Faucet of the MCCDC. “Do what’s right for yourself and protect your smell receptors.”
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