TROY – On Wednesday morning, the Miami County Bugle Caller (MCBC) officially purchased the 105 W. Main Street building to host its global headquarters. The acquisition will relocate MCBC from its 998 N. Market Street location to downtown Troy.
The building was previously home to the Masonic Lodge and an overpriced furniture store that was probably a money laundering scheme. Now, it will host the county’s greatest media conglomerate in a major flex over inferior outlets such as tdn-net.com and miamivalleytoday.com.
The building was acquired for $1.2 million dollars and is widely considered one of the most historic structures in downtown Troy. MCBC executives are strongly considering demolishing the property to build a brand new, far less historic building. Architects have already provided mockups of the new structure, which would be a 4-year project if approved by the city.
The new MCBCHQ will contain 2 gyms, 3 swimming pools, unlimited Topo Chico vending machines and an underground casino. Currently, MCBC only has 5 full-time employees to enjoy the amenities, and unpaid interns will not be allowed outside of their cells.
Sources suggest that the purchase was made so employees could have an office view of the Miami County Jail basketball tournaments that take place in “The Cage”.
Other sources suggest that the purchase was a “power move” to make the Miami Valley Today building look even more pathetic than their website.
“Miami Valley Today has long been frozen out of the local news. All of their sources come to us now. Call us Ducky’s because we have all of the scoops,” said Cecil Heidelberg, MCBC’s Chief Research Officer.
MCBC’s moves are never without opposition. A Facebook Page called Save Troy’s Historic Buildings is already preparing a campaign to prevent the demolition, but MCBC fully intends to brush off all of the opposition and build sick offices as they please.
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