TROY – Locals may be disappointed that the Troy Strawberry Festival was cancelled for the 2nd straight year, but Strawberry “Drone-nuts” are here to save the day.
Most festival-goers consider strawberry donuts the only redeeming feature of the event (no offense to the variety of bird feeder vendors). So, SchlongCo Ventures stepped up and is providing state-of-the-art drones to place donuts right on local doorsteps.
Consumers can quickly place an order on the Strawberry Festival App with same-day delivery guaranteed. The donuts will be delivered as pictured above, with no box to isolate the donuts from nature. Please make sure you are home when the donuts are delivered, as there is a no-refund policy if your donuts get snatched up.
As always, the Strawberry donuts will be hand crafted by the Troy High School Marching Band as part of their annual fundraiser. The band members will absolutely not be baked out of their minds on marijuana when they craft these delicious donuts, as Troy band director Kathy Macintosh generously clarified to us last year.
2021 will also be the 2nd year that the “hot n’ spicy” donuts will be offered, due to several complaints over the lack of “hot donuts” in previous years.
Local business analysts are puzzled by the timing with SchlongCo’s “drone-nuts” delivery model. Skeptics point to the expectation that the Strawberry Festival will return to normal next summer, and the fact that social distancing has been long forgotten in Troy. So be sure to get hot n’ spicy drone-nuts while they’re here, because SchlongCo Ventures will probably go bankrupt in the coming months!
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