You are currently viewing REPORT: Only 83% of Tippecanoe “Red Devils” Actually Worship Satan

REPORT: Only 83% of Tippecanoe “Red Devils” Actually Worship Satan

TIPP CITY – For years, outsiders have linked the Tippecanoe student body with occult practices due to their “Red Devils” mascot. However, a recent study showed that only 83% of these students actually worship Satan.

We enrolled an unpaid intern at Tippecanoe High School to get an inside look at the culture. The intern noticed occult circles in the cafeterias, a statue of Baphomet in the school’s courtyard, and a gate to Oblivion just outside of school property. He also took an elective course in conjuration, but was quickly outed as a narc and had to give his life as an offering to Satan.

Danny's Custard Wagon
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
Matt's Wasted
Spritegoose: We Keep You Safe
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Steel Lounge
Hard Balls Casino
Tippecanoe Lifestyle Community, Bue you in front of everyone else
McGinty Funeral Home
El Sombrero
Passion Winery
Miami County Pyramid Schemes
House of 1000 Dogs
Schafty's Brew House

 

Many families have held back from sending their children to Tipp City Schools due to fear that Satan would inevitably corrupt the minds of their precious children. Now, they can feel safe knowing that only 83% of students actually worship Satan.

“I couldn’t imagine coming home to find my son sacrificing a goat in his bedroom,” said Meg Williamson. Now, Meg is reassured that there’s only an 83% chance that her son will convert to satanism.

“I figured it was a sure thing. We’ve already had to stop serving deviled eggs at our Easter lunch celebrations. We also had to remove deviled ham spread from the Christmas dinner. So you can imagine why we’d be apprehensive to send our child to become one of the Red Devils.”

We surveyed a group of local parents and shared the news that not all Tippecanoe students are Satanists. Results indicated that parents were now 2% more likely to enroll their children in the school.

Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller for more updates on occult educational practices. 

This article is dedicated to our unpaid intern Macurdy Greenwood. Rest in peace, Mac. We hope Satan keeps you warm in hell.

Subscribe to our newsletter!

* indicates required




Miami County Singles
Passion Winery
Spritegoose: We Keep You Safe
Miami County Pyramid Schemes
Miami County Singles
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Miami County Singles
Miami County Singles
El Sombrero
Schafty's Brew House
Miami County Singles
Matt's Wasted
Miami County Singles
Danny's Custard Wagon
Tippecanoe Lifestyle Community, Bue you in front of everyone else
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
McGinty Funeral Home
Steel Lounge
Hard Balls Casino

Gaavin San Pellegrino

MCBC Field Reporter. Cat lover. Guitarist. Double-shot of red-eye espresso.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.