MIAMI COUNTY – We’re all busy people. We all get in a hurry from time to time. When it’s time to get where you need to go, there are some traffic lights you just don’t want to f*** with. Until all intersections are made into roundabouts by 2022, here are the top 7 traffic lights to avoid in Miami County:
Troy’s West Market Street and South Market Street Intersection
This is THE worst intersection in Miami County. It is located in front of Walgreens, and you could wait here for up to 10 minutes if you arrive at the wrong time. If you plan on passing through, we highly recommend bringing something to pass the time, like texting on a phone or drinking a beer. You’ll be here for a while.
Ludlow Falls’ State Route 48 and Friend Street Intersection
This entry is a bit of an enigma in Miami County. While you can point out the area on a map, no one has ever been to this intersection and lived to tell the tale. While no bodies have been found, it’s assumed by investigators that the intersection is the site of a black hole, which sucks in passersby to a hole from which light can’t escape. Either way, don’t dick around with this traffic light. For real.
The Pleasant Hill Statue Intersection
Look, I know this isn’t a traffic light, but it still qualifies for this article. Ever since ANTIFA failed to remove the statue (thanks to a valiant effort from the Old Fashioned Rifle Society), there has been a dramatic increase in drunken collisions with the statue. The Pleasant Hill History Center claims that the statue was erected for “traffic control,” and it continues to prove itself as an obstacle you don’t want to f*** with.
Piqua’s State Route 36 and Looney Road Intersection
If you live in Piqua, bless your soul. If you’re driving through… why? Anyways, the intersection on 36 and Looney Road is a complete disaster. The traffic light will stare you in the face and tell you NO. Have fun idling in your car for far more time than anyone would ever want to spend in Piqua. Treat yourself to some Winan’s or something to help with your misery.
Covington’s High Street and State Route 36 Intersection
State Route 36 makes its second appearance on this list, which is surprising since it really just connects a bunch of puny little towns to each other. This Covington intersection is not on the list because of high traffic volume, but rather the faulty traffic systems that prevent folks from moving through the town in a timely manner. Martin McRobbins, the previous City Manager, set this light up so that all directions hold a red light for 10 seconds at the same time, “just to f*** with people and get them to honk their horns.”
Troy’s Experiment Farm and Main Street Intersection
Where are you going, Meijer? Walmart? Kohl’s? Fazolis? You aren’t getting to any of these Troy staples without waiting at the traffic light on Experiment Farm and Main Street. There are enough traffic lights dangling in this intersection to crush a small grouping of vehicles. Please do not wait for too long in this intersection, or bad things could happen. Don’t f*** with the traffic lights.
Piqua’s South Street and West Main Street Intersection
For years, this intersection has been plagued with drivers who either don’t see or don’t care about the light meant to control traffic flow. The citizens living in the area had enough, and petitioned for more vigorous enforcement of the light. In November of last year, those residents got their wish when the city installed the LaserLight 9000. This high-tech traffic light can detect when someone is running a red light, then deploys its onboard minigun and laser-guided missile system to ensure the threat is minimized. So far the light has prevented 2 accidents, and caused 50 deaths. Seriously, don’t f*** with this traffic light.
Tipp City did not have any traffic lights that fit the criteria for this article, which is pretty sad for a town with “city” in the name. If you feel this article was missing any local traffic lights that people shouldn’t f*** with, please leave a comment!
Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller for more important traffic updates.