PARDON MY OPINION: I HOPE THE COVID VACCINE HAS A MICROCHIP

PARDON MY OPINION: I HOPE THE COVID VACCINE HAS A MICROCHIP

Pardon my opinion, but I hope the COVID vaccine has a microchip. I’m due for a nice vaxxing, and wouldn’t mind sharing some data for research or marketing purposes. 

Frankly, I get pissed off when I run into irrelevant advertisements in the wild. If I could just share all of my location and voice data, perhaps the digitized billboard on my commute would display Texas Roadhouse instead of Applebee’s. I’m banned from that restaurant. Would this be an issue if I were microchipped? Didn’t think so.

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The year is 2021. If you told me in the 90s that I could be a cyborg within the next 30 years, I’d try to invent time traveling just to make it happen sooner. This is destiny. Inject this shit into my veins.

What’s the worst that can happen? Is someone going to hack into my nodes and force me to buy expensive hats online? I’m pretty sure I can submit a claim to my credit card company or something. Or insurance. Whatever, I’m not worried.

What else would they use microchips for exactly? Unless someone can give me a more intrusive example, I’m not worried about the COVID vaccine. Pump that diesel directly into my bloodstream. 

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Schafty's Brew House
Hard Balls Casino
McGinty Funeral Home
Steel Lounge
Danny's Custard Wagon
El Sombrero
Tippecanoe Lifestyle Community, Bue you in front of everyone else
Matt's Wasted
Miami County Pyramid Schemes
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
Spritegoose: We Keep You Safe
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Miami County Singles
Passion Winery

Fez Shale

Fez Shale is an opinion journalist for the Miami County Bugle Caller. A compilation of his beloved stories and anecdotes can be found in his New York Times bestselling book "These Times, They're Different Than I'd Like"

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