TROY – The Hobart Arena sewer system burst and overflowed due to a devastating backup in the restrooms by the Bravo Room. A large ball of surgical masks and other face coverings could be the cause of the river of shit and vile fluid.
The extent of the damage is unclear as the Hobart Arena cleaning crew are in the process of disinfection, but according to one staff member, the damage may be permanent.
“I’ve never seen so much carnage come out of a single bathroom in all my years working at the Arena,” said Evan Williams. “We’re going to be scrubbing for weeks, maybe months, but I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to get the smell out.”
Another member of the Hobart Arena cleaning crew, Jamie Zappler, describes seeing the foul river flowing in a rush around the arena.
“You walk into the main entrance and are simply struck by the speed of the shit river. I saw a bunch of hall of fame plaques floating by. The river tore them right off the walls.”
Our investigators were not able to conclude if the meeting caused the backup. Mayor Oda, along with most of the city council, refuse to speculate on the matter.
Luckily, one brave member of the Troy City Council, who wants to remain anonymous out of fear of Mayor Oda picking on them, is tattling to us about what they understand to be the cause of the overflow.
“Mayor Oda, without saying a word, somehow communicated to these people with her unmasked face that everyone should line up and empty their bowels. She then had the fire Chief Matt Simmons give everyone a mask to clean up with. I really don’t know how she did it but she also asked if everyone wanted to go to B-Dubs after the meeting.”
Again, it is still not clear any one person or group is at fault. Especially not maybe anti-mask, but maybe pro-choice on masks, Mayor Oda. She also does not think masks are good for business, from what we can tell.
Worst of all, the Hobart Arena shrine to hero and rock god Bret Michaels has been stained brown permanently.
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