You are currently viewing Miami County Acquires Greenville in Imperial Conquest

Miami County Acquires Greenville in Imperial Conquest

GREENVILLE – Miami County acquired Greenville in its latest imperial conquest, using military force to capture the city from Darke County. 

Greenville quickly surrendered after the Miami County Military surrounded the town and cut off supplies. The siege lasted roughly 4 hours before Mayor Steve Willman waved the flag.

House of 1000 Dogs
Schafty's Brew House
Danny's Custard Wagon
McGinty Funeral Home
Spritegoose: We Keep You Safe
Matt's Wasted
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Miami County Pyramid Schemes
Hard Balls Casino
Steel Lounge
Passion Winery
Tippecanoe Lifestyle Community, Bue you in front of everyone else
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
El Sombrero

 

“It was pretty easy, we just rolled up on the outskirts of town with our Panzers and used our rocket launchers to fire warning shots at their water tower. That was enough to scare them shitless,” said Sergeant Matthew Milton McConnel. 

The acquisition is huge for Miami County’s conquest, dethroning Greenville from their county seat. Military experts expect the rest of Darke County to surrender before Miami County contaminates their water supply.

A small militia has formed in Greenville, with lofty plans to retake the city. Mark Zuckerberg has personally deleted their Facebook group, and all participants are actively being trolled online by the winners in Miami County. 

“We’d be damned if we didn’t put up a fight. I’m calling on my brothers to take up arms and take back this city, even if it means we all die today,” said 12-year-old Ian Bell, Commander of the Greenville Militia. Miami County Military members are now sharing memes of little Ian and laughing at their weakened competition. 

Ian Bell, Commander of Greenville’s Militia

A superspreader celebration event is scheduled in Troy on Saturday, January 23rd in Prouty Plaza. The Miami County Military plans to parade through town with former Greenville Government Officials in chains.

Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller for more updates on your county’s imperialist efforts.

Hard Balls Casino
Miami County Singles
Miami County Singles
Spritegoose: We Keep You Safe
Miami County Singles
Schafty's Brew House
El Sombrero
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
McGinty Funeral Home
Miami County Singles
Miami County Singles
Miami County Pyramid Schemes
Steel Lounge
Tippecanoe Lifestyle Community, Bue you in front of everyone else
Miami County Singles
Danny's Custard Wagon
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Passion Winery
Matt's Wasted

Mario Cheltingham

MCBC Business Insider Analyst. Former Muncie Business Journal Editor-In-Chief. Striving to create a more prosperous business climate.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.