GREENVILLE – Miami County acquired Greenville in its latest imperial conquest, using military force to capture the city from Darke County.
Greenville quickly surrendered after the Miami County Military surrounded the town and cut off supplies. The siege lasted roughly 4 hours before Mayor Steve Willman waved the flag.
“It was pretty easy, we just rolled up on the outskirts of town with our Panzers and used our rocket launchers to fire warning shots at their water tower. That was enough to scare them shitless,” said Sergeant Matthew Milton McConnel.
The acquisition is huge for Miami County’s conquest, dethroning Greenville from their county seat. Military experts expect the rest of Darke County to surrender before Miami County contaminates their water supply.
A small militia has formed in Greenville, with lofty plans to retake the city. Mark Zuckerberg has personally deleted their Facebook group, and all participants are actively being trolled online by the winners in Miami County.
“We’d be damned if we didn’t put up a fight. I’m calling on my brothers to take up arms and take back this city, even if it means we all die today,” said 12-year-old Ian Bell, Commander of the Greenville Militia. Miami County Military members are now sharing memes of little Ian and laughing at their weakened competition.
A superspreader celebration event is scheduled in Troy on Saturday, January 23rd in Prouty Plaza. The Miami County Military plans to parade through town with former Greenville Government Officials in chains.
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