This week, the Miami County Bugle Caller could have written about the “top 10 shocking holiday displays in Miami County,” or broke the news that “Santa hates local children and isn’t coming around this year,” or raised suspicions that Mayor Robin Oda and Mrs. Claus have never been seen in the same room and might be the same person. But we didn’t. And aren’t going to.
And sure, maybe we could have investigated the army of little people who have taken over Covington claiming to be the “true elf league of the north,” but we’d just like to enjoy the holidays without having to think about these things.
You see, it’s Christmas Eve. And we don’t have time for any of this bull. Some of us haven’t even gone to the liquor store yet to buy gifts for our children. So do you really expect us to come up with 300 words to make our weekly article quota? Didn’t think so.
And if you’re not okay with that, just know that we’ll have another stupid article in a week that some of you morons will just eat up.
But for the rest of you, we just love you so much and wanted to send you something for your eyeballs on the holidays. This is our gift to you. But it’s all you’re going to get, because we’re taking the week off.
It would have been rude of us to leave you in the dark with nothing to read all week. But, you are so special to us and deserved to know that the Miami County Bugle Caller needs our time and space. We are humans too. And we love you. These are words and they are written by us. Are you seriously still reading this?
Wow I can say anything I want now. Blah blah poopoo peepee arf arf oink yow zoinks BAZINGA. Piqua smells bad and nobody knows if Bradford is actually in Miami County or not. Tipp City holds 95% of Miami County’s wealth, and the 2003 Troy Mayoral Election was rigged. Blah blah blah blah blah.
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