TROY – In another effort to “switch things up,” Troy has decided that a classic Christmas tradition can wait until late spring. Troy’s Tree Lighting, which takes place downtown each year on Black Friday, has been rescheduled to May 12th.
“I’ve never understood why we do this thing when it’s cold outside,” said Perry Rosemary of the Troy Christmas Truther Society. “The relationship between fir trees and the birth of Jesus is entirely manufactured anyways,” said Rosemary, beginning a rant about how the Christmas tree industry monetizes religious traditions.
Locals are also bothered by this news, as they feel they are long overdue to stand in large groups of people in the Troy square. Only so many maskless people can fit into Reu Juicery and Purebred Coffee Co., and they say it’s all or nothing.
“At this point, we might as well cancel Christmas entirely,” said an anonymous pessimistic local. “The holiday is not the same without freezing your fingertips off as the tree lights up.”
To replace the tree, the city’s water fountain will be converted into an ice sculpture of Jesus Christ bloodied on the cross for the 2nd consecutive year. Though last year’s display shocked locals, the Troy Christmas Truther Society is running it back to spread the true meaning of Christmas.
Tree or no tree, Christmas is still scheduled for December 25th. Locals have already begun decorating for the holiday, though Troy’s downtown square won’t be joining the fun until May.
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