MIAMI COUNTY, OH – In the early hours of Tuesday morning, citizens in West Milton began to hear strange noises echoing throughout the countryside. According to reports on Facebook, it sounded as if mysterious spoken words were coming from the air. Citizens stood outside in their pajamas trying to understand the ominous sound they were hearing, but were left in utter confusion.
Locals are now referring to it as “The Voice.”
Over the course of the night, The Voice intensified and spread out to other communities, with reports coming from Sidney all the way down to New Carlisle. Despite the far reach of the sound, standard recording equipment isn’t able to pick up the low tones of the new potential god figure heard throughout the area. The Voice has been described as both a loud hissing and popping as well as a low growl. No one has been able to trace the origin of the sound, as it sounds like it’s coming from all directions at once.
The Voice seems to have a wide range of topics of interest. At first, it seemed that it was mostly complaining about how they took the fettucini alfredo pizza off the menu at Olive Garden. After a few hours on the topic, The Voice switched gears and started working on what sounded like a stand-up comedy routine. According to eyewitnesses at the scene, the set was incredibly hacky and sounded like Jeff Dunham, but without the use of visual aids.
Since 8:00am EST, The Voice has been commanding citizens to, “build a great tower at the geodesic center of Orion and Harlikkan.” While no one is sure of what the command means, The Voice has been ominously warning of “great fires and earthquakes if my demands are not satisfied.” Without much guidance on the project, citizens have been coming together to hoard building supplies in case they’re needed to save humanity and can be sold for a major markup.
With virtually every hardware store in Southwest Ohio sold out, citizens have taken to building their own “escape towers” in the hope the offering will be enough to grant them a spot in the new afterlife. These towers are incredibly dangerous, but county officials are reluctant to stop the building, in case one of the makeshift structures is built on the perfect spot to appease the new god.
Local officials have summoned local shaman Jim O’Doul to speak to The Voice, with hopes that his crystals and sacred tinctures can help protect us all. Jim has unsuccessfully sacrificed dozens of livestock in the downtown Troy square, but hopes that climbing the county’s highest water tower will help him meet this new god face to face.
We have reporters on the ground to report on any new commands from the strange figure. Subscribe to our newsletter so you don’t miss updates on this breaking story.