TROY, OH – Mayor Beamish has made the local news yet again, this time for crashing a hot air balloon into the Downtown Troy Square on Tuesday afternoon. According to eyewitness reports, Beamish was treating his hot air balloon as if it were a stunt plane, and crashed into the soon-to-be Cheesecake Factory building in a fiery blaze.
The balloon caught into flames upon impact, with the former mayor onboard the aircraft. In a fortunate turn of events, he managed to land in the fountain, escaping with minor injuries. It’s unclear the cost of the damage from the impact, but the insurance companies have a lot of work on their hands.
On the scene, Beamish was quoted as saying, “there’s something wrong with the balloons, and they’re kinda dumb anyway. You can’t even do a flip in a balloon! I was convinced you could make that work, but as we found out today, it’s not possible. So, I’m closing up my hot air balloon company, and I’m moving into stunt planes, and really getting in touch with the aviation history of the area. And I’ve got a great deal on a fleet of hot air balloons for anyone interested!”
While the damages haven’t yet been calculated, the police report shows no parties to be at fault in the accident. According to eyewitnesses at the scene, Beamish was seen shaking the hot air balloon wildly, and running from one side of the basket to the other. One onlooker said Beamish walked out of the wreckage and immediately into The Bakehouse as if nothing had happened. Beamish was heard muttering “stupid balloons” and “why would you wanna get that high up if you can’t do a flip.”
The insurance company is hard at work to sort this one out, and local politicians are doing their best to cover Beamish’s ass. Keep following the Miami County Bugle Caller on Facebook for more updates on this breaking story.