Miami County Courthouse Sends Cryptic Message to Satan

Miami County Courthouse Sends Cryptic Message to Satan

TROY – Over the past few weeks, the Miami County Courthouse has been sending cryptic messages to Satan. Each night when the sun sets, and the darkness of the universe takes on the sky, the Courthouse glows in a bloody, red aura. 

Locals are starting to question what this means.

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“Look, I’m just a guy who likes to have some beers at Moeller Brew Barn. When I stumble out of their doors after 6 Piss Pilsners, this terrifying ritual is the last thing my drunk ass needs to see,” said Martin Mossberg of Casstown. 

Loudspeakers outside the courthouse project audio of goats bleating into the cold October air. Local Satanists are linking these sounds to Baphomet, an occult symbol of the Sabbatic Goat. It is believed that these sounds, in combination with the red glow, is the performance of a ritual known as the “Red Sacrement.”

“The Red Sacrament is typically performed in an act of revenge. We believe this could be happening because Troy recently changed its colors from red and grey to the disgusting combination of orange and navy,” said Xerxus McDougan, local Satanist.

It is still not known how the Miami County Courthouse expects to get revenge, or why it would get so pissed off in the first place. We encourage our readers to look out for any suspicious activity around the Courthouse, and to let us know of any theories of what will come from this sacrament. 

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Schafty's Brew House
Steel Lounge
Hard Balls Casino
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
Danny's Custard Wagon
Miami County Pyramid Schemes
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Passion Winery
McGinty Funeral Home
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Matt's Wasted
El Sombrero

Gaavin San Pellegrino

MCBC Field Reporter. Cat lover. Guitarist. Double-shot of red-eye espresso.

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