TROY – A local tee-ball team was recently disqualified from the Knoop Lake Baseball League (KLBL), after 14 youth athletes tested positive for steroids, violating the league’s anti-doping protocol. The team exits their season with a 19-0 record, and an average margin of victory of 12 runs.
The KLBL regularly administers drug tests to teams across the league at random. The disqualified team, sponsored by Schafty’s Brew House, received their first round of tests in late August. However, since the players were visibly jacked, they received back-to-back tests just weeks later, and failed.
“We figured we were in the clear, since we were tested a few weeks ago. I guess we should have held ourselves back from beating the Bed Bugs & Beyond team by 24 runs, and maybe put long sleeves over the kids’ arms to hide their newly sprouted muscles,” said head coach Ryan Dusseldorf.
Parents of the athletes are extremely disappointed that their tee-ball season has ended early, as the team sponsor Schafty’s Brew House provided complimentary beer buckets after each victory.
“It was a win-win. Our kids went out there and whooped ass, and we could always count on getting wasted after. I signed them right up for the steroids once I understood the opportunity,” said Karey McMinimiman, a parent of 2 boys on the team.
Parents of children who tested positive are now facing more charges than can fit within our character limit, but you get the idea. They’re fucked, and Schafty’s is at risk of losing their liquor license for illegally distributing alcohol in a public park.
“It’s a shame, because we were on pace for a helluva season. Hopefully when I’m out of prison, they kids will still be willing to play some ball,” said coach Dusseldorf. “And for the record, we weren’t the only teams being incentivized by our sponsors. We’re just the only ones who got caught.”
The action resumes on Saturday, with Crazy Martin’s taking on Adam & Eve.
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