There is no shortage of exciting local sports in Miami County. In fact, it’s virtually impossible to keep up with all of the action. So, we’ve broken down some of the key games and highlight plays that we know you missed out on.
This week’s Casstown Cockfighting League was jam-packed with brutal matchups. A record 6,423 feathers and 14 gallons of blood were cleaned up from the arena, and notorious animal abuser Jerry McMacken brought home yet another trophy. Unfortunately, his prized champion rooster “Butch” is now missing an eyeball, and is considering retirement from the sport.
Serial Killers: 65
Impaired Drivers: 56
Miami County Jail inmates recently returned from quarantine leave for the Jail’s annual “March Madness” style basketball tournament. This week, the action tipped off with the Serial Killers outlasting the Impaired Drivers in a 65 – 56 victory. Mason “Nutcruncher” Smithens led all scorers with an incredible 40 points, before fouling out of the game in the 4th quarter.
On Friday, the Serial Killers return to “The Cage” to lace up for round 2 against the Sex Offenders. Tune into Channel 74 at 7 PM for a live view of the action!
High School Cross Country
The Piqua Football Team (formerly known as the “Indians”) brought home the gold for the third straight week, embarrassing neighboring schools in the Checkers-Rally’s Cross Country Classic. Opponents filed complaints to the league office, as they believed that Piqua’s cross country team was entirely made up of football players (superior athletes). The league office politely reminded the opponents that all Piqua athletic teams were included in the recent name change.
Knoop Lake Adult Softball League
Police Force: 1
Tipp City DnD Guild: 16
Week 10 of the Knoop Lake Adult Softball League did not quite live up to the hype, as a team of Police Officers who peaked in High School got absolutely wrecked by the Tipp City Dungeons and Dragons Guild. The match ended in a forfeit, leading the Police to assault and arrest 5 opponents for taunting them after such a supreme ass-beating.
Fletcher Fire Fighters vs Springboro Splitters
After a season hiatus due to coronavirus, the Southwest Ohio Roller Derby League resumed play on Friday. Unfortunately, the intern we sent to observe the game had absolutely no idea how the sport works, but he did mention “one of the ladies in the green shirts got punched right in the tit.” We apologize for the error.
Tippecanoe Football Cheerleading
This week was a dramatic one for the Tippecanoe Middle School football cheer squad. Apparently Braxton, the star quarterback, was dating both Robin and Skyee, members of the squad. This has led to the squad forming factions and high tension for the team. As a result, the squad will not be practicing for the next few weeks, in order to let the kids cool off. In the meantime, the Tippecanoe Dressage Club will be filling in for them in the halftime show.
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