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Newton Schools to Resume Class via AOL Chatrooms

Pleasant Hill – Newton’s Board of Education has elected to resume the 2020-2021 school year via AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) chatrooms. 

A lack of modern technology on the rural eastern side of Miami County has given several districts limited options for resuming the school year. Newton schools have made the first move, calling on the most high-tech online platform that their technology can handle: chatrooms.

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“It’s our best option. Our Acerview XD2009 laptops can hardly run anything better than AIM,” said Newton’s Superintendent Pete Yrtzig. “Besides, a Zoom subscription for each student would cost our district a fortune.”

A typical AIM conversation between 2 classmates.

Other nearby districts such as Covington, Milton-Union, and Bradford are yet to announce formal plans for the school year.

“We’re impressed by Newton’s creativity, but we were thinkin’ about just gettin’ the students in an empty cornfield 6 feet apart, chantin’ math equations into the countryside,” said Bradford’s Superintendent (we forgot his name). 

Covington is rumored to have 0 qualms with sending their kids into battle against Covid-19, permitting maskless classes with bonus credits for open sneezing. 

“See, that’s the last thing we want,” stated Newton’s Superintendent Yrtzig. “We feel much better when our kids get bonus points for choosing sick avatars and decking out their bios with wacky fonts and neon colors.”

Newton students will enter their respective AOL chatrooms on Tuesday, August 25th to begin class. Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller for more updates on local schools.

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Mario Cheltingham

MCBC Business Insider Analyst. Former Muncie Business Journal Editor-In-Chief. Striving to create a more prosperous business climate.

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