OHIO – Local meteorologists noticed a strange “Doppler Demon” on live weather radars, hovering over the Columbus area and moving westward. Weather experts call it the first of its kind, and an absolutely terrifying indicator of weather to come.
The doppler’s color key suggests that the demon is a devastating hybrid of tropical storms and extreme heat waves, an unusual phenomenon to occur in the midwest. MCBC’s meteorologists warn locals to stay inside until the demon has cleared the state entirely.
“Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of doppler radars in my time,” said MCBC’s Chief Meteorologist Denzel Funkhauser. “I’ve seen familiar shapes form on the radar, such as bananas, Nike swooshes, and penises, but never a demon. I’m terrified. I’ve gotta get out of here.”
Some locals call it ironic to see the “Doppler Demon” form over land which hosts “Hell is Real” billboards, but most are just scared shitless.
“You know, I never used to pay attention to the weather radars, but I’m certain this thing is going to end us all. I’m getting the hell out of Ohio before this thing turns our home into a hellscape,” said Renata Wilmington of Urbana.
While this is a very real event that should absolutely be taken seriously, other voices are speaking out against the demon. Donning the name “DemonTruthers,” a group of locals are calling this “fake.” We highly encourage all skeptics to take another look at MCBC’s Doppler Radar, as this was clearly not photoshopped by our creative department.
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