Watch out! There is a maskless mad man running around the downtown Troy square. The man has been seen coughing toward unprotected pedestrians. The City of Troy has declared a state of emergency to keep citizens safe from his recklessness.
The man, Tim Milton, recently tested positive for COVID-19 following a rowdy, crowded night at Moeller Brew Barn. Masks have not been enforced in Miami County, and now, dangerous humans are running about. We highly recommend staying inside until he has been neutralized.
Locals report hearing Tim yelling “HERD IMMUNITY” over and over as he ran laps around the fountain. Troy PD attempted to tackle him, but had a few too many donuts and couldn’t catch up to him. They quickly gave up, and he continues to circle the downtown area.
Troy PD have now put up barricades at all entry points in the square, and are recommending all traffic move around the square until the area can be fully disinfected or until Tim tires himself out/sobers up, which police say could take days.
Do not look Tim directly in his eyes, as he has developed rabies-like symptoms and is targeting vulnerable individuals if they are not wearing a mask.
This is a developing story. Stay tuned for more updates on the maskless man by following the Miami County Bugle Caller.