UNION TOWNSHIP, OH – Lonely people in Miami County have finally found their home. Miami County Singles, a new startup in a long line out of the roaring tech hub in Union Township, promises to be a place where “hot, Miami County Singles can play and find love.” The website uses advanced algorithms to match people, with traits only found in Miami County specifically in mind.
Tech entrepreneur and Tipp City councilman Steve Sagingo’s SchlongCo Ventures fronted the seed round for $200,000. “The way I see it, people are horny, now more than ever. I sure know I am.” Sagingo’s comments were backed up by a statement put out by Sequoia Capital, who is hoping to recoup losses amid the Covid-19 crisis.
“What this country is suffering from is largely a sense of loneliness. We hope that by funding this remarkable startup, with promise to scale and create more hyper-local algorithms, we will ultimately see a return to normalcy in the economy and a 100x return on our investment, according to our most conservative projections.”
While the site is still in its infancy, some users have already found love. In an unconventional love story, Ellen Margaret Donnelly, 78, and Armand Rosenbaum, 34, announced their engagement on Facebook this past weekend. The couple originally met on Miami County Singles, and were able to form a strong connection despite any social distancing rules.
“After my Harold passed, I never thought I’d find love again. But Armand came into my life, and now I could never imagine a life without him,” Ellen said in a public Facebook post on the Piqua, Ohio community Facebook page, when she actually meant to share this to her feed.
The developers behind the site promise to roll out new features daily, but at launch, the feature list is already very impressive. Outside of its proprietary algorithm, the site allows users to like, message, and post videos and pictures to their profiles. By analyzing the content of user profiles, the site can make sweeping judgements about a person’s personality, preferences, and overall worldview.
While the site up to this point has only been in beta, the public release has been moved forward, in light of the loneliness people face amid the pandemic. While investors may see a potential opportunity, citizens of Miami County are finally seeing a small sliver of hope amidst the chaos.
What are you still reading this article for? Click here and go to miamicountysingles.com now to find hot, rock-hard singles near you! And make sure you follow the Miami County Bugle Caller for more business and technology news.