TROY – In this booming economy, Troy is squeezing yet another furniture store within its city limits: Bed Bugs and Beyond.

The business model is built around buying cheap, yet infested furniture, and reselling it for an affordable price after thorough cleaning. 

“We’ve seen firsthand how many beautiful pieces of furniture become completely infested with bugs. To our dismay, most people throw it in the trash. At Bed Bugs and Beyond, we know that it’s never too late to refurbish some bed-bug ridden cushions and mattresses,” said founder Linus Eugenson.

“We know that the average consumer is terrified of bed bugs. So we put an emphasis on our intensive fumigation process to ensure that customers don’t bring a nest of bugs into their home,” said COO Branden Conner.

Bed Bugs and Beyond claims that its proprietary technology can kill any insect who dares cross its path.

“Our world-class engineers have designed special insect vacuums, along with toxic sprays made with similar chemicals to what you’d find in Agent Orange. Our experts wear hazmat suits for maximum safety, and give each piece of furniture 2 months to let the fumes air out. Otherwise, the poison is extremely deadly to humans, so we’re just being safe,” said Conner.

The store will be located in the strip mall located on the corner of Main Street and Dorset Avenue, conveniently located next to one of Troy’s 8 Subway restaurants. It is expected to open in June, or whenever people are allowed to go outside again.

“It’s a bummer that we’ve had to delay our launch, but our investors surprisingly haven’t pulled out on us yet. If they do, we’re screwed, because I dropped over $600k on non-refundable cleaning chemicals,” said Eugenson. 

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