Piqua Man Legally Marries Beer Can

Piqua Man Legally Marries Beer Can

PIQUA – Earl “Rusty” Simpson, a 56 year old Piqua man, has officially married a can of his favorite beer: Natty Daddy. 

The wedding marks Rusty’s 6th marriage in his lifetime. Though things never worked out with Tammy, Destiny, Penelope, Crystal, or Emmylou, he never gave up hope that something that could love him back.

“I’ve been drinking Natty Daddy since it was released in 2012. One could argue that it has played a significant role in my last 2 divorces. Eventually, I realized that I had spent more quality time with Natty Daddy than any one person I could ever meet,” said Simpson.

Though it may be an inanimate object, the 25 oz. can of Natty Daddy has a beautiful name: Alumina. It’s tall, smooth, and Rusty is absolutely in love with it.

“I finally found someone who cannot leave me,” said Rusty. “At this point, that’s all I could ask of a partner.”

It hasn’t been an easy decision for Rusty, whose friends have questioned his choice of marrying a beer called “Daddy.” Despite any criticism, Rusty has stood strong in what is ultimately a massive step forward for Miami County.

“I don’t care what people call it. Boy, girl, beer can, I feel love,” said Rusty.

Rusty and his trusty beer can will be returning from their honeymoon in early March, and begin life in Piqua as a completely normal married couple. 

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Gaavin San Pellegrino

MCBC Field Reporter. Cat lover. Guitarist. Double-shot of red-eye espresso.

This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    I know Rusty and went through rehab with him a couple times. I think this time his marriage is gonna work out

  2. Avatar

    Hope he Never cheats, or moves on to another brand…else his “partner” will be crushed!

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