Inside the Life of a Miami County Drug Dealer

Inside the Life of a Miami County Drug Dealer

MIAMI COUNTY – Everybody knows that the Miami County Bugle Caller is dedicated to bringing you the edgiest local news, no matter the risk. That’s why we sent some unpaid interns to interview Miami County’s most notorious drug dealer.

His identity is anonymous, but his stories are genuine.

Passion Winery
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Schafty's Brew House
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MCBC: So, how long have you been selling the “stuff?”

Dealer: It started when I was 13, I started flipping catnip to kids around the junior high. 1 year later, I was slinging 8ths of weed for $100 bucks each. It was 60 bucks profit every time. I knew I was good at doin’ this shit

MCBC: Wow. Those are some impressive margins. What do you sell nowadays?

Dealer: I probably shouldn’t tell you, but the shortlist is cocaine, pot, ketamine, PCP, peyote, beer, kush, shrooms, angel dust, and spice. I’m definitely forgetting a few, but you know. Supplies come and go. I’m just another middle man.

MCBC: When finding clients, how do you keep yourself secure?

Dealer: My clientele is screened from my little brother, who goes to elementary school in Troy, so it’s all pretty low-risk from my end. 

MCBC: I imagine there are at least 15 middlemen between you and the source, correct?

Dealer: That’s about right. I mean, people always say they directly know the source, but they’re just lying.

MCBC: Wow, I’ll never look at my jenkem dealer the same again.

Dealer: Yeah, especially jenkem dealers.

MCBC: …

Dealer: …

MCBC: So, how do you deal with undercover cops?

Dealer: I just don’t reply to any texts from strangers. I also don’t deal with any Facebookers since that guy from Troy got arrested for selling flower buds to an undercover cop.

MCBC: How do you know we don’t have the cops waiting outside to arrest you?

Dealer: Because then you wouldn’t have a jenkem dealer.

MCBC: Haha… If you could give one piece of advice to a sketchy young entrepreneur, what would you tell them?

Dealer: Don’t even try to sling anything in my territory because I’ll have to blow this shit up the second I see you somewhere you shouldn’t be. I’ll be able to smell you rollin’ down Market Street in a Civic that needs its oil changed from a mile away, and we’ll be there to repo that shit the second you park it. 

MCBC: Wow, I think that’s a good note to end this on! Thanks so much for your time.

Dealer: You got it chief. Stay cool and don’t smoke Juuls.

For more high-risk journalism, be sure to subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller on all platforms.

Miami County Pyramid Schemes
Spritegoose: We Keep You Safe
Schafty's Brew House
Steel Lounge
Twinkle Van Dam: Psychic for Hire
Hard Balls Casino
El Sombrero
Passion Winery
Visit Lake St. Mary's Today
McGinty Funeral Home
Matt's Wasted
Tippecanoe Lifestyle Community, Bue you in front of everyone else
Miami County Singles
Danny's Custard Wagon

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Joe Kroger

    This is comedy, right?

  2. Remove Kebab

    Lmaoooo who tf they interview? This dude don’t know shit calling cannabis, pot and kush, this “interview” seems like such a stretch for some trashy “dealer” playing you guys because he thinks he’s the next Kevin Gates 😂😂😂

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