MIAMI COUNTY – Local geologists predict that The Great Miami River will widen an entire mile in the next 20 years, and swallow downtown Troy entirely.
Research suggests that the river’s sharp series of turns will cause the water to undercut the river valley, and chip away at Troy’s levee. Such erosion would likely cause the city to collapse into itself
“It’s everything you’ve heard about global warming. Times ten. Glaciers will melt, water will flow, and cities will fall,” said Boris Schnitzen of the Miami County Environmental Expert Society (MCEES).
Such a catastrophe would tank the value of several downtown properties, and prompt a relocation of the Strawberry Festival. Rumors hint that the yearly event could be moved to a homebuilder-sponsored neighborhood in Concord Township.
City officials are actively denouncing the rumors at the request of several downtown property owners. “The levee was built for a reason. We went over this 100 years ago,” said one councilman.
The MCEES is not convinced.
“The evidence is right there. You’ve all seen what’s happened to the Knoop Baseball Complex over the years,” said Schnitzen. “Luckily, we’ve got until 2040 to prepare. Just remember that I told you so.”
Some locals are preparing to mount their homes on stilts to prevent them from falling into the Miami River. City officials are encouraging locals to hold off from such measures until more facts come to the surface.
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