PIQUA – On Monday, a city servicer was going through a typical day on the job in the Piqua sewer system. After a few wrong turns and flips of some suspicious levers, he discovered an entire society of sewage dwellers.
The community includes over 40 humans, 5 vicious dogs, and 2 cow-sized cockroaches. Its residents call it “The Underworld,” and claim that their people have been living underground for the past 55 years.
Thanks to the city’s safe drinking water, residents can survive entirely on the consumption of sewage. Though this may seem unhealthy, the bacteria has done wonders for the dwellers’ immune systems. Underworld resident Peter “The Rat” Johansson has lived in the pipes for over 40 years.
“It’s a humble place. There are no bright lights, societal pressures, or taxes. Plus, I get to wear pants made of potato sacks every day,” said The Rat.
Just like those living above ground, residents of the Underworld experience true love. The Rat and his wife Khrystal have been happily married for over 15 years amongst the stench and sludge.
City officials have started to connect the dots to recent issues with the city’s odd smell, as reported by the Miami County Bugle Caller. Though many blamed water treatment plants, it’s now clear that this sewage community was behind it all.
“Lately, it’s been smelling really bad down here. We’ve been popping up manholes all over town to air the place out a bit,” said The Rat. “It’s really more of the city’s problem than ours.”
Piqua’s Sanitation Department sent dozens of henchmen to evacuate the sewers, but had no luck finding the society’s whereabouts. After just 1 hour of sloshing around in sewage, the mission was aborted.
“We could hardly breathe down there. I’m going on strike if they send me back.” said one employee.
Until they’re found, the Underworld will live on. Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller to stay in touch with the hottest local stories.