Meteorologists have been keeping a close eye on Miami County all winter, and have noticed a strange trend in weather patterns.
According to science, there is less than a 2% chance that it will snow in Miami County this winter. Though some are dreaming of a white Christmas, they’ll have to settle for grey skies and dead grass.
“It is what it is. It’s science, and we’re sticking by our research until God himself proves us wrong,” said weather expert Vladimir Wilson.
“If it did snow, what would be even do? Shovel the streets by hand? This is a blessing in disguise, if anything,” said one local.
Climate change deniers are completely skeptical, stocking up on True Temper’s new “Incineration Series Snow Shovels” to prepare for a winter without snow plows.
“Let’s cut the bullshit,” said Walter Schmittson of Tipp City. “I bet it snows 2 feet next week. And I hope it does, because I’m ready to put this new shovel to use.”
Unfortunately for Schmittson, science suggests that he should hold onto his receipt. Meteorologists are confident in their research, and expect zero inches of snow.
Follow the Miami County Bugle Caller for real-time weather updates, even though you won’t really need them this winter.