MIAMI COUNTY – When the kush is so dank that it can be smelled across the county, the DEA comes knockin’ to join the sesh’.
A 90-acre grow-op, located outside of Casstown, was raided over the weekend after the DEA received tips about the blatant scent of dank kush. Winds carried the haze into the eastside of Troy, masking the disgusting smell of the water treatment plant.
“That’s when it became obvious,” said Sheriff Jimmy Scriggs. “Only a field of skunky kush could cover the smell of churning sewage and shit.”
A DEA helicopter set the entire operation to flames, burning enough marijuana to get the entire Miami Valley completely cheesed. Some locals are pushing for a class action lawsuit, claiming that they received unwanted contact highs from the fires.
“Sorry for the buzz, but we had to burn it all. It’s a proper death for a substance that is meant to be smoked anyway,” said DEA Agent Marty Schloop. “And to be clear – we definitely did not pocket any stray nugs.”
The DEA also seized 4,000 Bic lighters, over 50,000 rolling papers, and a big stack of Kottonmouth Kings CDs. Troy police tried to get in on some of the “evidence,” but were not allowed on the scene since Officer Steinband lost that huge bag of cocaine.
Local authorities are confident that crime will drop after the major bust, claiming a big win over the area’s most devastating substance. They’ll also no longer need to deploy undercover cops on Facebook who get baited into buying flower buds.
Though local drug traffickers are bummed about their loss of crops, they can always grow it back next year. Until then, they’ll be manufacturing twice as much crystal meth to make up the money.
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