MIAMI COUNTY – Thanksgiving is here, and everyone is returning home to their families to celebrate the holiday in their own special way. However, we’d like to remind our loyal readers that Thanksgiving is not only a time for family. It’s also a time for old buds to get wasted while everyone’s back in town.
MCBC sent out a team to interview some real old buds before they get totally plastered tonight.
“Nothin’ beats catching up with the guys,” said Chance Stevenson of Troy. “We haven’t missed this night since ‘98.”
Stevenson and his friends are among countless groups across the county who never miss the occasion. Every town does it differently: Tipp City locals listen to Touchtunes at Tony’s Bada Bing, and Piquans drive drunk down 25A. Despite their differences, all of these diverse groups will come together in unison tonight by getting completely hammered.
Bars across the county have readied up for the only day of the year that their establishment is relatively busy, with some staffing as many as 12 barbacks to keep the booze flowing. “It’s extremely overwhelming,” said one bar owner. “But it’s great to see smiling faces of friends reuniting.”
Local deadbeat, Mark Phenerington, expressed excitement about his old friends coming back to town. “Yeah, I can’t wait to see who I run into at Subhouse. It’s always so insane! Last year, I saw Cindy Cook and she was so wasted we almost hooked up.”
Brody Holder, a 7th-year student at Bowling Green State University, is returning home for break as well. “I can’t wait to show off my new mixtape. I know my bros gonna be hittin’ that play button soon as I tell ‘em.”
Unfortunately for Brody, an anonymous “friend” told the Miami County Bugle Caller that they’ll be doing their best to avoid him. “We’ve put a no-Brody rule in place for tonight. If we run into him, we’ll never stop hearing about his stupid mixtapes.”
On a brighter note, most friends will be rejoicing – not avoiding. You can’t put a price on running into an old classmate that you haven’t seen in 8 years – especially when you’re both insanely sloshed.
The Miami County Bugle Caller wishes you a happy Thanksgiving, and encourages responsible consumption of alcohol. Call a family member if you need a ride, or you may find yourself playing jail basketball on local access television. Be sure to subscribe to MCBC for top tier local news!