TROY, OH – Folks, can I be upfront with you here? This is not good AT ALL. One of our guys really shit the bed here, hardly knows the difference between the tip of his dick and his thumb. We’ve sent all our officers out, so hopefully it’ll come up soon, but have any of you seen a large bag with bricks of cocaine lying around?
Okay, I might have under-stressed how important it is that we get this back, but it was a lot of cocaine, and so for the public safety, if someone could tell us where that cocaine went, that would be ideal. Maybe we just take a “no harm, no foul” approach to this one. Just come back with most of the cocaine and we’re square. Sound good?
Maybe some of you still don’t get the scale of what we’re dealing with, I’ll just show you how much cocaine we lost, maybe this will help to refresh some people’s memories.
So, it’s a lot. We put all those bars into a bag, we handed it off to Officer Steinband, and then he completely lost track of the damn thing. Now if we could undo this situation, we obviously would, but no use in crying over spilled milk. However, this is a very expensive amount of cocaine, so if we could get it back, that would be best for all parties involved.
And I’ll be the first to acknowledge that Steinband really shit the bed here, not a good look for his first day on the job by any measure. But this is a real opportunity to learn, like now we know “don’t trust Steinband with large amounts of drugs for more than a few minutes” and Steinband now knows how important it is to keep your eyes on the drugs at all times. And really, at the end of the day, don’t we want to encourage that kind of learning?
I say let’s all just move on from this. If you know where the cocaine is, feel free to call 911 and ask for the Chief, they’ll know who it’s for.