TIPP CITY – Be careful. A Gate to Oblivion has appeared outside of Tipp City.
Oblivion Gates are portals that are opened by the forces of Oblivion, acting as bridges between the Mortal plane of Earth and the Daedric planes. They are easily visible with their surrounding ring of fire, especially at night. Be sure not to get too close, or a scamp will emerge and attack you with balls of fire.
Several locals have already pointed their fingers at Jim O’Doul, a local shaman credited for ending the county’s drought in a ceremonious rain dance.
“Those goddamn hippies. Magic does not belong in this county. We’ve let them take it too far,” said Stevie J. Thomas of Tipp.
O’Doul has not been reached for comments, and was last seen “running off in a loincloth” following his successful rain dance.
Though it’s still unclear whether or not O’Doul was involved, there’s still a fucking Gate to Oblivion outside of Tipp City. Do not head to the west side of town where the sky is red and the air smells like blood. You’ll know when you’re close.
Several local schools are delayed for the morning, until cops and firefighters can arrive to address the Gate to Oblivion. In the meantime, please stay indoors and stay tuned for updates on the situation.
Follow the Miami County Bugle Caller on social media for timely updates on local portals and vortexes.