TIPP CITY – In a recent series of maneuvers to eat up market shares in the holy water industry, Dasani has signed with Ginghamsburg to supply all water for baptisms beginning in 2020. The contract follows several other gestures to cannibalize the market, including deals with Crossroads Christ Church and Young Life Youth Ministries.
“We’re beyond thrilled to sign this deal. Over the years, Ginghamsburg has impressed us with their continuous growth and a modern touch on Christianity. We believe that baptisms are the new boobjob, and see lots of potential going forward with this new partner,” stated Dasani CEO Tatum Von Schnetertitle.
The deal is rumored to be worth 3 million dollars, securing roughly 9 million gallons of water for Ginghamsburg to use at their leisure. The contract also includes plans to erect a Dasani water tower on Ginghamburg’s campus, serving as a vessel for the liquid, and a major marketing placement off I-75.
“These are tough times in the bottled water industry, so we are exploring creative new ways to keep Dasani in these key markets. Water towers rather than billboards; baptismals instead of vending machines. Going forward, we couldn’t be more excited,” stated Von Schnetertitle.
On the contrary, several locals believe that the church has “sold out,” devaluing the stray dollars that are contributed in each service’s offering. After such a large influx of cash, the 20 dollar donation holds more value in the churchgoer’s wallet than in an offering basket. Ginghamsburg officials were not reached for comment.
The contract goes into effect in the first weekend of October, kicking off with the construction of Dasani’s new water tower. The timeline projects for all holy water to be Dasani branded before the new year. Follow the Miami County Bugle Caller for more updates on the project, and all earth-shattering news across Miami County.