TROY – Blueprints leaked to the Miami County Bugler Caller reveal a shocking city-wide plan to convert all intersections to roundabouts by 2025. The project is expected to be far more invasive, and 800 times more expensive than the McKaig-Dorset roundabout project.
The leaked blueprints were sent to MCBC via email from an anonymous Troy City Council member, following the completion of the McKaig-Dorset roundabout in late July. Concerns were raised after 24 separate car accidents occurred in the first week of its opening of August 1st.
The cryptic email also detailed one particularly intense City Council meeting, where a Council member was “frothing at the mouth with a crazy look in their eye,” insisting that the city must “reduce conflict points through traffic dieting.” This disturbing episode, along with the growing hubris of the Troy City Council, motivated the anonymous whistleblower to leak the documents to MCBC.
Despite the underwhelming results of the McKaig-Dorset project, City Council is giving themselves a pat on the back. “It went so well, and I think the traffic diet has made our community happier and healthier as a whole,” said Karen Schrudor of the Troy City Council. 
“Traffic dieting” intends to reduce congestion at stop signs, traffic lights, and intersections across town. However, construction and general unfamiliarity with roundabouts have only given locals vehicular indigestion.
“Traffic diet my ass,” said BJ Skinner, a Troy resident. “I’m constantly braking because these morons are still learning how to drive around the new roundabout. And when it was under construction, I got 4 speeding tickets for going 30 miles per hour down Ridge Avenue for the detour. I also gained like 8 pounds.”
Blueprints indicate that roughly half of Troy’s intersections will be under construction at the same time. Locals are familiar with the daily inconveniences from the McKaig-Dorset project, but they have not yet seen the worst of it. Elaborate detours will be required to get from point A to point B all across Troy.
The leaks reveal intent to kick off the project this fall at the infamous South Market and West Market intersection by Walgreens. Subscribe to the Miami County Bugle Caller for more exclusive, local leaks.
It seems to me that you just need to get used to the ring roads. Like it or not, at the moment this is the best way out of the situation for drivers who do not want to stand in traffic jams for a long time.
How about an outerbelt highway system like Columbus has, but instead of being shaped as a weird 8 bit ghost from a Japanese Nin tendo game, it can be in the shape of a tri oval from Troy to Piqua to Fletcher. No speed limit, all traffic goes counterclockwise.