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Tipp City to Add Motorcycle-Only Lanes for when you need to Ride That Hog

Tipp City to Add Motorcycle-Only Lanes for when you need to Ride That Hog

TIPP CITY – Tipp City Council, in another 5-4 vote, has given a green light to a bold new experiment for downtown Tipp City. The city has approved the installation of “motorcycle only” lanes running along Main Street from 25-A to 1st Street. Council President Steve Sagingo explained the rationale in a press conference. “So yeah, obviously I love to rip my hog through the city, everyone who’s spent more than an hour downtown knows that. But motorcycles are a huge industry, and shifting Tipp to a motorcycle-based economy is the smart thing to do at this time”

Shayne Holden, chair of Citizens for a Quiet Tipp, has been working in opposition of Sagingo and his alliance. “I don’t wanna seem like a buzzkill, but isn’t he [Sagingo] already annoying enough? Do we need a swarm of bikers overtaking our town, constantly buying up all our chewing tobacco and eating at our restaurants? We know how this turned out the last time.”

“Last time when that shit happened, it was because the bikers felt unwelcome. But now, with motorcycle-only lanes, Tipp City will make one thing clear: your hog is welcome” said Sagingo.

Sagingo was making reference to the Bike Blessing Riots, which occurred last summer at Ginghamsburg Church after an altercation between a biker and one of the church members. The incident is estimated to have cost between $35 million and $50 million.

“The hog lanes aren’t just for out of towners though. Sometimes you just need to blow off some steam because your bitch ex-wife just posted a picture of her new Columbian fuck-piece on Instagram, and I think we’ve created a place to do just that” remarked Sagingo, unprompted.

Construction is slated to start early next year, with $3.5 million set aside to go towards the project.

Be sure to share the hashtag #tipphogs to make your voice heard in this crucial civic discussion.

Davis Wong

Founder, CEO, Editor-in-Chief, Miami County Bugle Caller. Lifelong Miami County resident, Casstown native, MEHS '02.

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