PIQUA – A family walks past an abandoned Auntie Anne’s kiosk on their way to Spencer’s Gifts, only to find the windows boarded up with a sign that reads “closed permanently.” Down the hall, a lone beam of light reflects off a pair of bedazzled Affliction jeans in the Buckle store, while Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” echoes throughout the Piqua Mall.
“This used to be a place where I could bring my family,” stated Thad Schatz, a lifelong Piqua resident. “Now, it’s a place that I keep them away from.”
Soon, families will have nothing to be afraid of. After little consideration, Piqua Development Inc. has announced plans to demolish the Piqua Mall completely.
“That’s some hot property, being right off the exit on I-75. A proper development would actually bring some decent coin to the city,” stated Martin Pennington, CEO of Piqua Development Inc. “There’s just a lot of potential there. And if I see one more weirdo teenager making an abandoned mall vlog, I’m tearing the whole thing down tomorrow.”
So, what’s going to replace the mall? Pennington suggested that Piqua Development Inc. has some plans in the works, but declined to elaborate.
“Just stay tuned. We’ve got a big announcement coming up. And while I can guarantee that some will be upset with our decision, at least it won’t go over as poorly as when Troy decided to change its colors to orange and navy without asking their citizens,” stated Pennington. “Right now, we can do no wrong.”
Piqua Development Inc. has ordered upwards of 60 cranes and 200 bulldozers to begin demolition in late June. “It’s going to be a party. I can’t wait to take the wrecking ball to Charley’s Steakery.”
Piqua Development Inc. plans to host a public destruction ceremony to kick-off the project on June 28th. Stay tuned for the official Facebook event, and be sure to follow the Miami County Bugle Caller for more hard-hitting news.