COVINGTON, OH – Covington Exempted Village Schools quietly released an updated nutritional health guide to their website Friday night. In a move hoping to downplay the implications of the guide, the superintendent’s office declined to comment for our story.

The guide shows that, on average, students at Covington High School receive 4,200 calories per day. This is much higher than the federally recommended 1000 calories a teen should consume in one lunch sitting. This is not the first time CEVS has come under fire due to the contents of their lunch. In a report last year, a student found a fish penis in the seafood lasagna served at Covington Elementary Schools. This marks a growing trend in recent years away from FDA and American Association of Pediatrics recommendations for youth health and nutrition.

Covington High School in recently introduced an “e-sports” class, which can be taken in place of regular physical education. At the time, athletics director Gym Tyler said, “yeah, I was just sick of dealing with those fucking pansies, so now we can do cool shit like rock climbing and not worry about someone busting a nut.” Tyler was placed on paid administrative leave for a week due to his remarks, but the class still stands as is.

The concerning increase in sodium and carbohydrates seems to come from a mandate by Frito-Lay, who holds a contract with the school until 2022.