TIPP CITY, OH – After years of back and forth in the city council, a resolution was finally approved appropriating funds for improvements to the municipal building. This building acts as a hub for the city, and so for many, it was a matter of city reputation that was on the line. “Listen, we don’t wanna look like a bunch of fucking jags” said council president Steve Sagingo, “we’re working to make this place a more chill hang-out zone, where singles can mingle and swingers can swingle”.

However, not all were on board with the radical departure from the current set-up of the municipal building. The decision came down to a 4-5 vote for the resolution. Leading the charge against was at-large council member Phoebe Ultz, stating, “this is clearly turning in to a horny sex palace, and our council president  is taking advantage of public funds to fulfill his own sexual urges.”

To be clear, Sagingo has admitted as much on multiple occasions. “Yeah, since my wife left me, I’ll admit it, I’m horny as hell! But that has nothing to do with the sex swing playset in the courtyard. That’s just me, trying to create a chill hangout zone.” These comments were provided to us directly through Sagingo’s office, without much context.

While some see Sagingo’s initiative as an abuse of power, others see an attempt at making a more sex positive Tippecanoe. Regardless of public opinion, groundbreaking has already occured, with the project expected to finish in 2023, at a cost of $13 million.